Floyd: Oh, I’m sorry, I just kinda fell asleep on your legs.
Liz: No, it’s weird, I’ve never let anybody put their head that close to my feet before.
30 Rock 1.18 - “Fireworks”
Tina: My daughter, she’s already super into it, like she can tell when you have makeup on and stuff. I did a photoshoot for something and I came home and I had like a full face of makeup and big false eyelashes on, and I got home just in time to put her to bed; and I was putting her to bed and she was looking at me, checking it out, and then I went in there the next morning when she woke up and first thing she says she goes, “Mommy, you beautiful.” And I was like, it’s the sweetest thing ever. And then, I swear to you, she looked at me again she goes, “Oh no, you not beautiful. Where is your makeups?” I was like, “Well I had to wash it off.” and she goes, “Oh.” She kind of talks to me like an abusive boyfriend. If I have my hair up in a ponytail, she’d get super close to me and go, [whispering] “I don’t like that ponytail.” She’s pretty harsh.
Liz: I’m really sorry about what I did. And I know you can’t forgive me but just to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn’t leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow, I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends that I’m voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here’s one: when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today. So, uhm… That’s my deal. Now we’re even.
30 Rock, 1x18 Fireworks